i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
