): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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