he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
