Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize