Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
