Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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