Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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