He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
that may or may not have been my penis.
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