Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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