do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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