I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
