barbara walters just said penis...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
