can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
