i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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