He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
