I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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