That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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