i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
