some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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