Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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