Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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