I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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