Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
