walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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