I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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