Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
