He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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