I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
