i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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