Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
