i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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