where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
