Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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