Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
