Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
