I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
