Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize