You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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