He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
