I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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