I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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