I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
