I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
