I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize