I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
