Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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