Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
