I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
