i just wanna soil my oats bro
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
