whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
