Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
