Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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