and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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