i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
